Thought it time.

Hey, y’all.  Formerly known as “Budweiser” and “Cole” to a select few, I thought it about time that I do something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and that is… come out.  Yup. I’m a full blown transitioning transwoman (MtF transsexual).  I’ve been undergoing HRT for 4 1/2 months and I’m not looking back; I’m completely happy with the changes I’ve made in my life and I’m incredibly hopeful for the future going forward.

I thought I’d come out since I know for a fact that I’m not the only trans* person in this community and support is sometimes difficult to find.  If there are any of you out there that need support or guidance or that just want to  chit chat (I’m an open book) please feel free to PM me or contact me on Skype if you need to be discrete for whatever reason.

So a little about me and my history.  When I was between 8 and 10 I started trying on stockings, high heels, dresses, whatever I could find.  I found it to be very stimulating (not sexually), like it just felt right but very forbidden in a social setting because gender norms and roles had been firmly established in my household, but didn’t express any of it to anyone.

Between 13 and 16 years old I became sexual active and began sleeping with both women and men (one man in particular, my best friend).  At 17 I stopped sleeping with my best male friend and went into a pretty deep depression.  It was during that time that I had this incredible sense of urgency and want to transition, but became hopeless and buried those feelings due to extrinsic tension with my father who wouldn’t put up with any feminine/gay crap.  So I became ultra masculine and mimicked him.

I joined the Army at 20 as infantry, became a killer of men (some of the best snipers in history have been women, just sayin’), and spent the next 10 years completely miserable, having 4 children and going through 2 failed marriages.  At 30, after my father passed away (just this past year), I decided that it was finally time for me to be who I am and to do what will make me happy.  Well, 12 months later and I’m finally transitioning and I’m far happier now than I have been in about 15 years.

I have a few regrets, like I wish I had been strong enough when I was 17 to express my real gender, to seek help, and to transition; I could have probably been a model.  But there isn’t such a thing as “too late” when it comes to these things.  There are people out there that transition as early as 10 and as old as 80; as long as we’re doing what will make us happy then that’s all that matters.  It’s also incredibly important to seek help and support and another reason why I chose to post this here.  This is a very difficult thing to go through by yourself and trans* persons have a very high suicide rate; it is far from easy.

So yup, that’s about all I have to say 'bout that.  I’m an open book like I said so feel free to ask questions or contact me privately if you’re having issues with something similar or need to talk to someone regarding an unrelated topic; I’m all ears.

Cool man, glad you came out. Better to get the support you need. I have a few trans friends so it is becoming more accepted everyday (I hope). If you ever want to talk im here. I am not trans and dont pretend to know much about it, but I have a good amount of trans friends so I am not unfamiliar with the concept. Anyway good luck to you.

As I said on skype pretty much, power to ya! Goodluck on your journey.

That’s really awesome. Glad this is something you can reach out to people about. Best of luck to you.

Thanks, y’all. I’ve come to find that a 100% of people I’ve told have been incredibly supportive; it’s only the random backwoods asshats that have any real issues with it, and that’s only because they’re pent up religious zealots that want to impede on our pursuit of happiness simply because they’re too afraid to change. 🙂

I’ll be telling the rest of my family over the Christmas break, in person, and I hope it to be as liberating as my telling everyone else has been.

congratulations! all i gotta say is whatever floats your boat, i aint one to judge 😛 hope everything goes well!

Good for you man!..er…woman…er…buddy! Good for you!

It takes a lot of courage to do anything like that! At the end of the day, life is too short to be unhappy, and anything that we can do as individuals to make us feel happy is worth it!

A couple of questions as my own curiosity is piqued:
Is “Mal” short for anything, or just Mal?
What would you prefer to be addressed as on the forums, Budwiser, Cole, Mal?
How far do you plan to go? Is transgender surgery something you have or are considering?

Good luck! Keep us updated!

Congratulations, I wish only happiness for you. ^_^

It may sound weird, but even though these sorts of issues are controversial and the “whatever makes you happy” trope always seems tired, doing what actually makes you happy (even if it goes against a lot of the river’s current) is solving a very important and complex problem within you. What’s most awesome is that you found your thing. A lot of people never do. A lot of people are always too nervous to step into an uncomfortable zone as you were able to. Even though it took time, at least you had the treasure in the back of your mind and didn’t let go after all these years.

'Now look at where you are! Cheers

Well glad that you are feeling better about yourself and I hope everything will get even better for you from here on out.

Best of luck in your transition.

How do you think your kids are going to take it?

@‘Growlith1223’:

congratulations! all i gotta say is whatever floats your boat, i aint one to judge 😛 hope everything goes well!

Thanks, Growl. 🙂

@'Rob:

Good for you man!..er…woman…er…buddy! Good for you!

It takes a lot of courage to do anything like that!  At the end of the day, life is too short to be unhappy, and anything that we can do as individuals to make us feel happy is worth it!

A couple of questions as my own curiosity is piqued:
Is “Mal” short for anything, or just Mal?
What would you prefer to be addressed as on the forums, Budwiser, Cole, Mal?
How far do you plan to go? Is transgender surgery something you have or are considering?

Good luck! Keep us updated!

Mallory.  The moment I heard that name I fell in love with it.  
Bud or Mal is fine; I still prefer Bud Light. ;D  
Yes, GRS/SRS is the end goal in the next 2-3 years.  Maybe winter of 2017?  We’ll see.  My insurance covers it in the US, but I’ve yet to find a surgeon who does not do penile inversion (non-penile techniques offer less scarring, are more aesthetically appealing, and there’s no need for hair removal pre-op) so I’ll need to save approximately $20,000 to fly to Thailand.

@‘Agoraphobic’:

Congratulations, I wish only happiness for you. ^_^

Thanks, Agora. 🙂

@‘PeRV’:

It may sound weird, but even though these sorts of issues are controversial and the “whatever makes you happy” trope always seems tired, doing what actually makes you happy (even if it goes against a lot of the river’s current) is solving a very important and complex problem within you. What’s most awesome is that you found your thing. A lot of people never do. A lot of people are always too nervous to step into an uncomfortable zone as you were able to. Even though it took time, at least you had the treasure in the back of your mind and didn’t let go after all these years.

'Now look at where you are! Cheers

Thanks, Perv.  It was definitely a struggle when I was teenager, and the feelings have always intermittent returned every 2-3 years since then, and fairly strongly.  I’ve stayed depressed for a very long time and never could figure out exactly what was wrong with me because I kept dismissing everything and pushed it under a rug.  What my family thinks means a great deal to me, especially the patriarchs, and my impression of how they would react wasn’t a very good one.

But it’s all good now; they’re all dead… which is incredibly sad (my grandfather use to joke about my long hair, even saw me wear eye liner once, had a nickname: Colette), but good for me since I don’t feel entitled to keep up such a crushing front that’s eating my life away.

@‘Genusis’:

Well glad that you are feeling better about yourself and I hope everything will get even better for you from here on out.

Thanks, Gen.

@‘Gwen’:

Best of luck in your transition.

How do you think your kids are going to take it?

Thanks, Gwen.  I’m not entirely sure, but I’ll never stop loving them or being their father.  They came from me, just as surely as they came from their mother.  I’ll still take them fishing, riding, hiking, and all of the other things daddies do with their babies; who I am has not changed and will not change one bit.  One thing is for sure, though; I can’t stop because of someone else, no matter who they are.  I’ve never done much for myself, but this is one of those things I’m bound and determined to see through to the end.

Grats! Takes guts to come out, even just to a bunch of gaming people on the internet, so big kudos to you, Mal!

This post is deleted!

damn dog, that’s an insane change! you’re byotifol

That is only 1 week on hormone treatment? Damn boi, looking good.

Best of luck luck on your journey. 🙂

Would still bang.

Whatever makes you feel happy is the way to go.

Congrats, any pics? 😄

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