Hey, y’all. Formerly known as “Budweiser” and “Cole” to a select few, I thought it about time that I do something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and that is… come out. Yup. I’m a full blown transitioning transwoman (MtF transsexual). I’ve been undergoing HRT for 4 1/2 months and I’m not looking back; I’m completely happy with the changes I’ve made in my life and I’m incredibly hopeful for the future going forward.
I thought I’d come out since I know for a fact that I’m not the only trans* person in this community and support is sometimes difficult to find. If there are any of you out there that need support or guidance or that just want to chit chat (I’m an open book) please feel free to PM me or contact me on Skype if you need to be discrete for whatever reason.
So a little about me and my history. When I was between 8 and 10 I started trying on stockings, high heels, dresses, whatever I could find. I found it to be very stimulating (not sexually), like it just felt right but very forbidden in a social setting because gender norms and roles had been firmly established in my household, but didn’t express any of it to anyone.
Between 13 and 16 years old I became sexual active and began sleeping with both women and men (one man in particular, my best friend). At 17 I stopped sleeping with my best male friend and went into a pretty deep depression. It was during that time that I had this incredible sense of urgency and want to transition, but became hopeless and buried those feelings due to extrinsic tension with my father who wouldn’t put up with any feminine/gay crap. So I became ultra masculine and mimicked him.
I joined the Army at 20 as infantry, became a killer of men (some of the best snipers in history have been women, just sayin’), and spent the next 10 years completely miserable, having 4 children and going through 2 failed marriages. At 30, after my father passed away (just this past year), I decided that it was finally time for me to be who I am and to do what will make me happy. Well, 12 months later and I’m finally transitioning and I’m far happier now than I have been in about 15 years.
I have a few regrets, like I wish I had been strong enough when I was 17 to express my real gender, to seek help, and to transition; I could have probably been a model. But there isn’t such a thing as “too late” when it comes to these things. There are people out there that transition as early as 10 and as old as 80; as long as we’re doing what will make us happy then that’s all that matters. It’s also incredibly important to seek help and support and another reason why I chose to post this here. This is a very difficult thing to go through by yourself and trans* persons have a very high suicide rate; it is far from easy.
So yup, that’s about all I have to say 'bout that. I’m an open book like I said so feel free to ask questions or contact me privately if you’re having issues with something similar or need to talk to someone regarding an unrelated topic; I’m all ears.